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Cold Showers is performed by Rebecca Bunch and the cast in Josh and I Work on a Case!. In this song, Rebecca tries to get people who live in Josh's apartment complex to sign a petition about the water pressure. The song is a parody of the showstopper "Ya Got Trouble" from Meredith Willson's The Music Man.

Lyrics

Rebecca: There’s nothing I love more in life
Than a scalding hot shower.
It’s the symbol of human dignity
That separates us from the chips,
Helps you scrub off the sleep
And scrub on the day,
Or scrub off the day
And scrub on the sleep.
Don’t know if you’re morning or night shower people,
Whatever floats your boat.
But where are your toddlers gonna float their boats
If all you have is cold H2O?
That’s two parts hydrogen, one part oxygen,
And zero parts justice!
Paula: Now I know you’re thinking,
“What are you talking about? Go away, this is private property!”
Darryl: Well before we leave, ladies and gents,
Allow me to set the scene—Imaaaa
Guy: Yeah, I don’t live here.
Darryl: Oh.
Rebecca: Imaaaagine your kids taking a shower before they go to school.
They douse their skin with ice cold water,
A huge shock to their lil systems.
At first it’s downright unpleasant
But then it gets them wired in a way they’ve never felt
And they think to themselves,
“That shower felt great, maybe I’ll try cocaine!”
So your son’s on coke, your daughter’s pregnant,
And your husband’s probably having an affair.
Apocalypse!
Just like the movie “I Am Legend”
But not like that at all!
No hot water!
Which means cold showers!
Next thing you know, your kids will be on crack!
Darryl: No hot water!
Paula: Which means cold showers!
Rebecca: Which everyone knows is the gateway drug to
Crack, crack, crack, crack
All: Crack, crack, crack, crack)
Rebecca: It’s not just about the hot water, folks! If this landlord’s not taking a measly hour out of his day to fix your showers, then what’s this scumbag doing with all your hard earned cash? He’s taking it and blow it in a hand of Pai Gow at the Indian casino!
All: (gasp)
Crack, crack, crack, crack.
Rebecca: He’s fat-catting it at fancy restaurants like the Olive Garden!
All: (gasp)
Rebecca: And Red Lobster!
All: (gasp)
Rebecca: Gasp is right! That’s gasp with an upper case G that ends with p, the first letter in pool!
All: No hot water!
Paula: No hot water!
All: Which means cold showers!
Rebecca: Next thing you know, your kids will be on crack!
All: This makes sense!
No hot water!
Means cold, cold showers!
And cold showers are the gateway drug to crack!
Cold water is drugs!
Yeah!

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