Full music video for "JAP Rap Battle" from Rachel Bloom and Rachel Grate. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is new on Monday at 8/7c on The CW.
“JAP Battle” (Clean)
Beeps… This is real deep beef from way back in the past, Deeper than I’ll put a foot up in the crack of your ass. Come on, let’s do this, your little pals can witness How vicious this Westchester alpha bitch is. I’m straight up malicious, a verbal curb stomper. Since we were toddlers, I’ve studied every chink in your armor, And between your folks’ divorce and that haircut on ya, I’m really not sure which one’s the bigger shondeh.
That means “disgrace,” I’m translating for the goys. Our life lines have been parallel like corduroys. But now we’ll see whose bars will prevail in this beef of two Hard-as-nails shebrews from Scarsdale!
We’ve got a conflict of interest.
I’m about to give Levine the business.
Spittin’ venomous hate—
Penetratin’ her defenses—
It’s a JAP battle.
A Jewish American Princess… Rap battle. Daughters of Privilege… Spitting mad flow. Find that term offensive? Too bad, yo! Oh snap, it’s a JAP battle rap.
Look, academically you could never catch me. You were close but no match scholastically. No how, no way, I put the “O.G.” in “5.0 GPA.”
Well, speaking of which, are you AP graded? ‘Cause these days you look a bit heavily weighted. And all your book-crackin’ don’t make up for the fact That I’m strapped with that killer instinct that you lack. Sweetheart, here’s what you’re not understanding: I’m street smart.
You mean ‘cause you minored in urban planning? Bitch, I know you, that tough act’s a bluff, So shket bevaka, shut the hell up!
Your temper, you lost it! Oh cute! Like you’re gonna lose this lawsuit! Keeping your pie hole shut would be quite wise, Though you kept it open wide for the A.E.Pi guys.
And I banged your hedge-fund manager fiancé! Back in college over winter holidays. Bathroom stall at the matzo ball, And honestly? I gotta say: Really not hot at all, finished quick, rotten lay.
This is… A JAP battle. Bane of my existence. Your rhymes are facil From Golden’s Bridge To North Castle… Wipe you off the map in this JAP battle rap.
Bunch, you’re a curse, you’re a blight. We were frenemies at first spite. Think your verse is tight? Then you’re trippin’ like Birthright. I’ll wipe the mirth right off your ugly mug and fill you full of slugs Like a straight up thug!
Ugh, that word is racist, someone oughta tell you. Like me! I belong to the ACLU.
Spare me, I’m a card-carrying member. Plus I spent a semester in Kenya, remember?
Well, I volunteered in Ghana.
Well, I guess that makes us equal.
Well, it’s settled then: We’re both cool with black people.
‘Cause we’re liberals. Duh! Progressive as hell. Though of course I support Israel.
Audra, wait, we share so many traits, Should we shake hands and erase the hate? Created by our mothers pitting us against each other for accolades and grades? We were egged on like seder plates!
Nah! In summation, you left New York for this sunburnt shtetl? And now you’re like, “Oh Audra, let’s settle.” You wanna get salty like the Dead Sea? Word. But call off this suit, or you’re dead, c-word.
About Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Rebecca Bunch is a successful, driven, and possibly crazy young woman who impulsively gives up everything – her partnership at a prestigious law firm and her upscale apartment in Manhattan – in a desperate attempt to find love and happiness in that exotic hotbed of romance and adventure: suburban West Covina, CA.
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