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"Heavy Boobs" is a song sung by Rebecca Bunch in the episode "Josh's Sister is Getting Married!".


Lyrics

Rebecca: I got them heavy boobs, heavy boobs
Dense like dying stars
I got them heavy boobs, heavy boobs
I can't run real far

Lemme break down what I just said
Each of my double D's has the volume of a toddler's head
Not bitchin' bout my boobies, they look superfly in shirts
But if I swung them in your face, you'd be like, "Oh my God, that hurts!
I'm blind! Holy crap! I literally can't see!
I've permanent retinal damage! I'm suing you and your heavy boobies!"

Heavy boobs, heavy boobs
Dense like dying stars
I got them heavy boobs, heavy boobs
They each have their own memoirs

What you gotta know is that boobs may be where it's at
But if you cut them open, they're just sacks of yellow fat
Stuff falls into my bra. It's a little bit of a drag
But when I go to bed at night, it's like opening a Mary Poppins bag

Dancers: Whee! Candies and pennies!

I got them heavy boobs, heavy boobs
Dense like dying stars
I got them heavy boobs, heavy boobs
Don't need an airbag in my car

Here is a list of all of the objects
That I can hold under my boobs:
Stapler, ten pencils, paperback copy of Arabian Nights,
Dog bone, remote control, hardback copy of Wuthering Heights

See, when a star is dying, it transforms into a red giant, and if the red giant does not have enough mass to fuse carbon, an inert mass of carbon and oxygen builds up in the center, transforming into a dense white dwarf. And yeah, like, that's my boobs. That's, that's what my boobs are like.

I got them heavy boobs, heavy boobs
Dense like a white dwarf
I got them heavy boobs, heavy boobs
It'd be a catch at Fisherman's Wharf
I got them heavy boobs, heavy boobs
Don't ever forget
That these heavy boobs, heavy boobs
Are just sacks of yellow fat
Like the stuffing of a couch,
They're just sacks of yellow fat
Technically meant to be in a baby
They're just sacks of yellow fat

Trivia

  • The title of Rebecca's boobs' memoirs are Large and in Charge by Right Boob and Slightly Smaller Than the Right by Left Boob.

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