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JAP Battle

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"JAP Battle" is a song sung by Rebecca Bunch, Audra Levine and their respective entourage in Josh and I Go to Los Angeles!.

Storyline

In the song, Rebecca rap battles with her long time, arch nemesis, Audra, since they're assigned to the same case.

Lyrics

Audra Levine: This is real deep beef from way back in the past
Deeper than I'll put a foot up in the crack of your ass
Come on, let's do this, your little pals can witness
Just how vicious this Westchester alpha bitch is.

I'm straight-up malicious
A verbal curb-stomper
Since we were toddlers
I studied every chink in your armor

And between your folks' divorce and
That haircut on you
I'm really not sure which is the bigger schonde

Rebecca: That means "disgrace"
I'm translating for the goys
Our life lines have parallels like corduroys
But now, we'll see whose bars will prevail
In this beef of two hard-as-nails
Shebrews from Scarsdale

Audra: We've got a conflict of interest
Rebecca: I'm about to give Levine the business
Audra: Spittin' venomous hate
Rebecca: Penetrating her defenses

Rebecca, Audra: It's a JAP battle!

Darryl: A what?

Audra's entourage: A Jewish American Princess
Audra: Rap battle
Rebecca's entourage: Daughters of privilege
Audra: Spittin' mad flow
Audra's entourage: Find that term offensive?
Audra: Too bad, Yo, oh
Rebecca: Snap
Rebecca, Audra: It's a JAP battle rap

Rebecca: Look, academically, you could never catch me
You were close, but no match scholastically
No how, no way
I put the "O.G." In "5.0 G.P.A."

Audra: Well, speaking of which, are you A.P. Graded?
'Cause these days you look a bit heavily weighted
And all your book crackin'
Don't make up for the fact that I'm strapped
With that killer instinct that you lack

Sweetheart, here's what
You're not understanding, I'm street-smart

Rebecca: You mean, 'cause you minored in Urban Planning?
Bitch, I know you
That tough act's a bluff
So Sheket Bevaka
Shut the fuck[1] up!

Audra: Your temper, you lost it, oh, cute
Like you're going to lose this lawsuit
But here's one category where you have no rival[2]
Blowin' frat guys with your AP piehole![2]

Rebecca: And I banged your hedge fund manager fiancé
Back in college over winter holidays
Bathroom stall at the Matzo Ball and honestly
I gotta say
Really not hot at all
Small dick,[3] rotten lay

Rebecca's entourage: This is...
Rebecca: A JAP battle
Audra's entourage: Bane of my existence

Rebecca: You're an asshole![4]
Audra: From Golden's Bridge
Rebecca: To North Castle
Rebecca, Audra: Wipe you off the map
In this JAP battle rap

Audra: Bunch, you're a curse, you're a blight
We were frenemies at first spite
Think your verse is tight?
Then you're tripping like birthright
I'll wipe the mirth right off
Your fugly mug and fill you full of slugs
Like a straight up thug

Rebecca: Uh, that word is racist, someone ought to tell you
Like me, I belong to the ACLU

Audra: Spare me, I'm a card-carrying member
Plus, I spent a semester in Kenya, remember?

Rebecca: Well, I volunteered in Ghana
Audra: Well, I guess that makes us equal
Rebecca, Audra: Well, it's settled then
We're both cool with black people
Audra: 'Cause we're liberals
Rebecca: Duh, Progressive as hell
Rebecca, Audra: Though, of course, I support Israel

Rebecca: Audra, wait we share so many traits
Should we shake hands
And erase the hate
Created by our mothers pitting
Us against each other for
Accolades and grades
We were egged on like Seder plates

Audra: Nah.
In summation
You left New York
For this fuckin'[5] shtetl
Now you're like "Oh, Audra, let's settle"
You want to get salty like the Dead Sea?
Word, but call off this suit
Or you're dead, C-word!

Notes

  1. Changed to "hell" in broadcast version.
  2. 2.0 2.1 Changed to "Keeping your piehole shut would be quite wise
    Though you kept it open wide for the A E Pi guys" in broadcast version
  3. Changed to "Finished quick" in broadcast version.
  4. Changed to "Your rhymes are facile" in broadcast version.
  5. Changed to "sunburnt" in broadcast version

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