Where's the Bathroom is sung by Rebecca Bunch's mother, Naomi in My Mom, Greg's Mom and Josh's Sweet Dance Moves!. In this song, Naomi, who just got off the plane from New York, constantly nags her daughter in a very Jewish fashion.


Naomi: Where's...the...bathroom? Where's the bathroom?
I need to use the bathroom.
Tell me that you have a bathroom
In this hovel you call home.
I don't know which was bumpier,
The plane ride or the taxi.
All these freeways are a nightmare.
Where's my purse? I need my comb.
By the way, you're looking healthy,
And by "healthy" I mean "chunky".
I don't mean that as an insult,
I'm just stating it as fact.
I see your eczema is back.
Are you using the lotion that I sent you?
If you're not gonna use it,
I'll return it to the store.
God, I give you everything,
And still you just want more, more, more, more, more!
Where's the bathroom? Where's the bathroom?
You haven't told me where your bathroom is!
Rebecca: It's upstairs.
Naomi: Okay, fine, I need the walk.
Well, your house is dot dot dot charming,
Though some florals wouldn't kill you.
Do you ever get a maid here? It's so nice to sit and talk!
Since when do you have a vendetta against vases?
When did you stop wearing makeup?
Are you sure that you're not gay?
I’d still love you if you were gay,
It would explain this vase vendetta.
Please just tell me if you're gay!
Rebecca: Again, I am not gay!
Naomi: Don't interrupt me! You're always with the talking!
I just got off a plane, give me a moment to catch my breath!
It's the least you can do
Since you lived inside me for nine months
And you still haven't told me
Where the hell your stupid bathroom is!!!!
Rebecca: Again, it's upstairs.
Naomi: Oh, right. Thank you.
(She uses the bathroom and then returns.)
You call that a bathroom?
That's what passes for a bathroom?
There were no bowls of rocks or any decorative soaps—
You don't even have a bath mat!
Who doesn't have a bath mat?
If you need a bath mat, I can— Oh, did you hear?
A bishop in Wisconsin said something anti-Semitic,
So the temple has decided to boycott cheddar cheese.
Everyone asks how you're doing.
“How is little Becky?” “Is she still a big-shot lawyer?”
And to that, I just say, "Please."
You won't get a husband this way.
At least you have your career.
Oh, wait, you threw out your career
To chase this California dream
I wasted all that dough on Harvard and Yale
For you to be living in a dump
In Nowhere, USA--
Getting fatter by the minute
On this greasy goyish food
Just put my luggage in my room
Could I get a glass of water?
I’ll be back in a moment
I need to use the bathroom...